The 5 Stages of Divorce

GET THE WORD OUT! Divorces don’t just “Happen”.

(Click on the image to enlarge)

5 Phases To Divorce

There are 5 steps or phases that a marriage must go through before The Point of No Return is reached.

I talk to so many men who are shocked when their wife delivers the bad news…“I just don’t feel anything for you”. He is astounded!

“How could she?” he says to himself, “Doesn’t she know that I treated her the way I did because she ignored MY needs? It’s her fault just as much as it is mine…she needs to admit that!”

The fact is, couples spend too much time and energy trying to establish who is wrong and who is right. Nobody wants to be wrong and they will fight to the death of the marriage trying to be right.

It’s a well known fact that men do not know how to understand women and women do not understand men. What’s worse, men and women don’t even understand themselves.

Very often they don’t know what they’re saying and they don’t know what they are doing to other people.

Here’s some great proof. It’s called the Video Camera Effect.

This concept originated in reality shows where average people live together while being video taped the whole time. They don’t see the tape until months later. Their most shocking statement is always “I can’t believe that was me!”

Let me be a bit more specific. On the Dr. Phil show, he put eight people with radically different beliefs into the Dr. Phil house.

After some time, he brought them onto his show.

To one girl, a strongly professing born again Christian, he asked “So you don’t swear?”

“Never!” She said.

“Not even when you’re upset?” Dr. Phil further questioned.

“No way!” the girl replied firmly.

“Let’s look at the video tape.” Dr. Phil directed.

The audience looked on in shock to see the show bleep out her every 10th word. Even more shocking was the look on that girl’s face as she repeatedly stated on national TV “That can’t be me! That can’t be me!”

THIS…is the Video Camera Effect!

It proves that we don’t know ourselves.

When people tell us how we are, we deny it. How could these bad things about us be true? We would have known what we said and what we didn’t say, right?

WRONG! The Video Camera Effect is REAL.

As you look at the 5 steps on the way to divorce, you can already see that husbands and wives really know what they want, but they don’t know what it’s like to be on the “other side of the wall” in their spouse’s shoes.

The most helpful thing you can do now is print this picture, take it to your spouse and ask the question “What picture is like our marriage most?”

If you hear steps 2 through 5, begin asking questions.

Start with this one: “What is it like to live with me every day?”

This time, REALLY listen. You will hear something new. If your life was video taped 24 hours a day, what you saw would most likely surprise you. Since this is not realistic, just ask your spouse – he or she is just as good as a video camera.


  • Larry Bilotta

    Reply Reply December 20, 2007

    Thanks Spiff. I appreciate you being here and believe you recieved something that can help your marriage. I plan on adding more interviews as we move on that help married people learn how to be married.

  • Kathy

    Reply Reply January 31, 2008

    I would love to start practicing the steps – but I don’t feel my husband (2nd) would be willing to try – and I guess I am afraid to ask him, because maybe we’re in bigger trouble than I think or feel we are. And I thought we both grew up in fairly similar homes, although I don’t really know a great deal about his childhood.

  • Larry Bilotta

    Reply Reply February 3, 2008

    Kathy, when you talk about practicing the steps but feel your husband won’t try, refer to my answer of February 3rd about becoming an Environment Changer. (my blog question “what you must do NOW)

    An Environment Changer does not need anyone to do anything. Once you become an Environment Changer you make other people feel what you want them to feel by changing your inner feeling. You hear it happens all the time in life when one person can change the feelings of other people in an instant. You’ve heard the statement “That guy can really light up a room” on the positive side and on the negative side you’ve heard “That room was so tense you could cut it with a knife”. Those are people who changed how other people felt. My Environment Changer course teaches people how to do this, but I’ll warn you, only really determined people should apply. This not for the weak or the wandering. You must have something you want to protect and you must want it in a very big way, otherwise, your new skill will never survive.

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